At times I feel the darkness more than the light which seems too fleeting, momentary beauty flickers and faints. I scatter pieces of lost feelings and moments I can never return to, holding on to words that are forgotten once spoken.
“It occurred to her that in every relationship in which she had participated, in every union older than a year that she’d observed, imbalance existed. Of a couple, one person invariably loved stronger than the other. It seemed a law of nature, a cruel law that led to tension and destruction. She was dismayed that a law so unfair, so miserable prevailed, but since it did, since imbalance seemed inevitable, it must be easier, healthier to be the lover who loved least.”—
Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker (via quotewhore
I’m lonely. Why do you think I had to learn to act so independent? I also get mad too quickly, and I hog the covers, and my second toe is longer than my big one. My hair has it’s own zip code. Plus, I get certifiably crazy when I’ve got PMS. You don’t love someone because they’re perfect. You love them in spite of the fact that they’re not. -- Jodi Picoult .... I think Jodi has been eavesdropping! haha
“If someone told me to write a book on morality, it would have a hundred pages and ninety-nine of them would be blank. On the last page I would write, “I recognize only one duty and that is to love.” And as far as everything else is concerned, I say no.”—
News: I got the apartment that I love. And I should be more happy. But my brother ruins everything. And now I have to bring my purse upstairs to bed with me so he doesn’t feel tempted to go fuck things up again.
“Memory is not enough…
I do not recollect. What I am
is alive in me because of you. I do not reinvent you
at sadly cooled-off places you have left behind.
Even your absence is filled
with your warmth and is more real
than your not-existing. Longing often meanders
into vagueness. Why should I throw myself away
when something in you may be
touching me, very lightly, like moonlight
on a window seat.”—Rainer Maria Rilke, To Lou Andreas-Salomé, Duino, late autumn, 1911 (in A Year with Rilke)
The tides are turning the times are turning and I’m becoming more and more like the woman I’ve always thought of myself to be. And I want you to know it’s all because of you. I’m so tired of hiding in the shadows. I’m moving up and out of my comfortable self in baggy sweatshirts and jeans and into someone who feels honestly and completely beautiful. And it’s all because you tell me I am perfect every day. You have transformed my life and will continue to do so. And I only hope you can say the same about me.
Today I woke up, ready to move into a new apartment, ready to get that job promotion, ready to buy my tickets to go see you. I woke up, ready to be who I’ve always wanted to be: fearless, exciting, spontaneous—with a heart wide open. And it’s all because you won’t give up on me. And I am writing this so that everyone can see and learn about what I’ve found and how I’m trying my hardest to hold onto it—that this is what love is, and it is the only thing worth fighting for in this world. So when you find it, you never back down. And you don’t give up. And you don’t cower back in the shadows and let the past ruin you. You stand up and face your giants and fears of abandonment, and you scream at it to just fucking leave you alone. Because who you’re with has made you strong enough to do so.
I’m coming for you. Please, just wait for me. And be patient on those days where I seem a million miles away—those days when I let my past win. Because there will be those days. And they will come too often. But what I wrote here is my honest truth and I want everyone to see it.
"You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You’re chicken. You got no guts. You’re afraid to say, ‘O.K., life’s a fact.’ People do fall in love. People do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing. You’re terrified somebody’s going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded by Tulip, Texas or Somali land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."
Dove that ventured outside, flying far from the dovecote:
housed and protected again, one with the day, the night,
knows what serenity is, for she has felt her wings
pass through all distance and fear in the course of her wanderings.
The doves that remained at home, never exposed to loss,
innocent and secure, cannot know tenderness;
only the won-back heart can ever be satisfied: free,
through all is has given up, to rejoice in its mastery.
Being arches itself over the vast abyss.
Ah the ball that we dared, that we hurled into infinite space,
doesn’t it fill our hands differently with its return:
heavier by the weight of where it has been.
”—Rainer Maria Rilke, translation by Stephen Mitchell, from The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke (with thanks to beautywelove)
I am stuck doing my paper... but I am profoundly inspired by the fact that I love you madly and miss you terribly. Just thought of you smiling so i wanted to seize the opportunity. Hope all is well. :)
Tumblr world, did you read this? This is him. Yes, him. He’s awesome. And makes me smile. But he lives on the other side of the universe, which is cruel and ridiculous.